Today, on Tuesday the 10th of October, it’s World Mental Health Day. I’m always left in a state of confusion when I think about how mental health is seen in our society today. On the one hand, there is so much more awareness and visibility, which is an amazing thing. On the other, I still feel mental health isn’t being taken seriously, with people normalising words like “trigger” to mean being offended someone doesn’t like your favourite band.
Side note – mental health words should not be used out of context. You’re not “schizo” because you forgot something. You’re not “so depressed” that you were minorly inconvenienced. You’re not “triggered” when someone says something you don’t agree with. When you suffer from PTSD, depression, anxiety etc, triggers are very real things that I have to avoid daily in order not to have a severe panic attack.
I thought now was the perfect time to do an update on my blog of how I’m actually doing mental health wise. And to be honest, right now I’m pretty shit.
To elaborate, I’ve been doing really, really well over the last couple of months. I’ve felt like I’m going from strength to strength, breaking down mental boundaries that were limiting me and really starting to understand myself more. But the thing is, I’m now at the toughest part of my therapy. I’m uncovering repressed memories, and dealing with things that I’ve never told anyone until the last six months. I feel like I’m at breaking point.
Ebbs and flows are normal when struggling with mental health. But being honest, during the harder times I find it really hard to be positive. Getting out of bed seems like the toughest task of the day, and I stay awake feeling sick to my stomach all night and getting no sleep. I cry for hours for no reason, and then in the next breath, I feel absolutely nothing, pure numbness.
It’s normal to feel defeated. It’s normal to feel like you want to give up. It’s normal to be overwhelmed.
Remember that in order to grow, you need to be planted. And think of it like sandpaper, the more it wears you down, the more polished you end up.